Tangled Synthesis
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Slayerhood - death is your gift
SAMPLE     DOWNLOAD THE FULL MP3 (3.9 MB)
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NOTE: please listen to the file using headphones to take advantage of left/right/stereo effects.
(Feb 2002) The file linked above was created with Techno E-Jay , a program that allows you to combine, overlap and otherwise tweak various sound samples on 16 different concurrent tracks. All included samples come from various Season 5 episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer or the Season 4 episode "Restless" and deal with Buffy's exploration of her identity as the Slayer. I've mixed them together into a sort of stream-of-conscious, semi-musical, semi-poetic audio experience. The basic dialogue used in the piece is shown below, but you really have to hear it to understand what's going on, as there's a lot of overlap and repetition that couldn't be reproduced in text. The piece is divided into 5 themed movements.

MOVEMENT 1:
Origin & Prophecy
(67 seconds long; starts at 0:00)

Key Phrases:

You think you know what you are, what's to come; you haven't even begun (Dream Tara & Dracula)

I have no speech. No name. I live in the action of death, the blood cry, the penetrating wound. I am destruction. Absolute ... alone. [The Slayer?] The first. (Dream Tara)

Death is my gift. It's what I do. Come on, you've known me for how long? It's what I'm here for, it's all I am. (Buffy)

Echoes & Reverbs:

Death is your gift (Spirit Guide)

No ... friends! Just the kill. (First Slayer)

We ... are ... alone! (First Slayer)

Always alone (Dracula)

You don't have to do this alone (Angel)

Death is my gift (Buffy)


MOVEMENT 2:
Love & Humanity
(77 seconds long; starts at 1:08)

Key Phrases:

I'm starting to feel like being the Slayer is turning me into stone. (Buffy)

To slay, to kill. It means being hard on the inside. Maybe being the perfect Slayer means being too hard to love at all. (Buffy)

You are full of love. You love with all your soul. It's brighter than the fire, blinding. That's why you pull away from it. (Spirit Guide)

Love is pain and the slayer forges strength from pain. Love. Give. Forgive. Risk the pain. It is your nature. (Spirit Guide)

Echoes & Reverbs:

You're afraid that being the Slayer means losing your humanity (Spirit Guide)

It's too much for me (Buffy)

Always alone (Dracula)

Love will bring you to your gift (Spirit Guide)

Death is my gift (Buffy)

Death is your gift (Spirit Guide)

I guess that means a Slayer really is just a killer after all. (Buffy)

I think you're wrong about that. (Giles)

She's a hero, you see. She's not like us. (Giles)


MOVEMENT 3:
Death Wish
(60 seconds long; starts at 2:25)

Key Phrases:

Death is your art. You make it with your hands, day after day. That final gasp. That look of peace. Part of you is desperate to know: What's it like? Where does it lead you? And now you see, that's the secret. Not the punch you didn't throw or the kicks you didn't land. Every Slayer... has a death wish. (Spike)

Come on, when was the last time you unleashed it? All out fight in a mob, back against the wall, nothing but fists and fangs? Don't you ever get tired of fights you know you're going to win? (Spike)

And part of you wants it... not only to stop the fear and uncertainty, but because you're just a little bit in love with it. (Spike)

Echoes & Reverbs:

It's what I do (Buffy)

Slayer called... blah, blah... great protector... blah, blah... scary battles... blah, blah... oops! She's dead. (Buffy)

Ohh, did I scare you? You're the slayer, do something about it, hit me (Spike)

She's a hero you see... she's not like us (Giles)

The problem with you, Summers, is you've gotten so good, you're starting to think you're immortal (Spike)

I've always stopped them, always won (Buffy)

It's too much for me (Buffy)


MOVEMENT 4:
Despair & Strength
(68 seconds long; starts at 3:25)

Key Phrases:

I am really trying to take care of things. But I don't even know what I'm doing! (Buffy)

They're gonna expect me to ... to be like a Slayer and, and know stuff, but I'm just me and I don't know anything (Buffy)

I'm the Slayer, the Chosen One, all mythic and defendery. Evil nasties are supposed to flee from me. Not the other way around. (Buffy)

Maybe if I could learn to control this thing, I could be stronger, I could be better. (Buffy)

Echoes & Reverbs:

All of this, it's too much for me. I just wanted it over (Buffy)

I fell apart. (Buffy)

I slipped up, Giles. I've been training harder than ever and still I... (Buffy)

If Dawn dies, I'm done with it. I quit. (Buffy)

So you don't have to be on top of everything all the time. (Riley)

But I do! That's part of what being a slayer is. (Buffy)

It just keeps coming (Buffy)

And everybody expects me to know how to do it because I'm so strong. (Buffy)

I know you don't feel like it right now, but you are strong, Buffy. You're gonna figure this out. (Angel)

You're getting stronger every day, more powerful. (Riley)

You know, pretty much everything (Dawn)

You're just a girl (random victim)


MOVEMENT 5:
Need & Sacrifice
(51 seconds long; starts at 4:33)

Key Phrases:

Buffy you have to get up, we need you! (Willow)

I don't have that any more. I *don't* understand. I don't know how to live in this world, if these are the choices, if everything just gets stripped away. I don't see the point. (Buffy)

You've carried the weight of the world on your shoulders since high school. And I know you didn't ask for this, but you do it, every day. (Willow)

I've sworn to protect this sorry world, and sometimes that means saying and doing... what other people can't. What they shouldn't have to. (Giles)

Echoes & Reverbs:

They need me. If I start now ... I won't be able to stop. (Buffy)

I've always stopped them. Always won. (Buffy)

I know you don't feel like it right now, but you are strong, Buffy. You're gonna figure this out. (Angel)

She's a hero, you see. She's not like us. (Giles)

Death is my gift. It's what I do. (Buffy)


Epilogue
(16 seconds long; starts at 5:24)

Dawn: Thanks.
Buffy: For what?
Dawn: You know. Pretty much everything.

[5:39]

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